I Can Be Bitter If I Want, Fuckface.
When you wake up pissed, there's nothing more soothing than a stop at the gas station on your way to your cubicle enslavement camp. I was fortunate enough to find my favorite flavors of the new RockStar energy drinks had arrived at this petroleum peddling shitbox. It reads on the cooler door, "RockStar, All Varieties 2/$3". So I grab 6, only to find that because the new ones hadn't yet been added to their rudimentary system, I would be paying full price for them. The ensuing argument has fueled this morning's "Top 5 Ways A Gas Station Jag Off Can Make You Feel Better".
1. Smile big at him. You have more teeth.
2. Ask him if you can buy one of those gas station employee shirts, you know, to wear "as a joke."
3. Fumble through your wallet, exclaiming "Somewhere between these $20's and $50's I have some $1's. Just a sec."
4. When he gives you the change, tell him to count it back slowly because you don't trust his math.
5. Point to the "Take a penny, leave a penny" tray and say "Wow, you already have some tips this morning, eh?"
At least he's fucking up my RockStar purchase and not an open heart surgery. A car salesman once told me "there's an ass for every seat". How true.