Chad wrote me this in an email. He did not give me permission to post it. But that doesn't matter, because in the end he's always smarter than me, and if he doesn't track me down he will build a machine that can. Thank you, Chad.

"when i die, i want to be buried next to the guy who invented paper cuts. and my headstone should be a full-size fire hydrant. but it shouldn't be placed on the ground. it should be approximately 1 to 2 feet above the ground. and it should be somebody's job to lay down a trail of dog snacks that lead from the cemetery entrance to me grave. they should do this about once a week. then, when dogs walk by the cemetery, they will follow the trail of dog snacks to my grave. and when they see my headstone, they will want to piss on it. but because it's approximately 1 to 2 feet above the ground, they will miss. and the trajectory of their dog piss will arc very nicely onto the grave of the guy who invented paper cuts. it might sound a little over-the-top, but i think he deserves it.

in the future, maybe a hundred years from now, when paper doesn't exist any more, nobody will ever visit his grave and say "here's the guy who invented paper cuts." they won't care. they don't know what paper is, so they won't care about paper cuts. but they WILL visit his grave and say "here's the dog piss guy." so consider it a favor. i am making him eternally famous, because that's the kind of selfless person that i am by nature."