Friday, March 5, 2010

Cinco de Mustache

Following Full Beard February, participants shaved down to a mustache to celebrate the high holiday Cinco de Mustache. If you've ever wanted a mustache and weren't man enough to grow one one your own, making it a team sport is an awesome opportunity to feel it out. Its practically a rite of passage. I spent little time organizing this at work over the last 5 weeks and I must say, the payoff is huge:

posted by blueskydeluxe at 12:23 PM 1 Comments

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I Organize Beard-a-thons

My email to the office yesterday:

Gentlemen,

Full beard February is fast approaching, and we're looking for as many men (or qualifying women) as possible to participate. The challenge requires you to do nothing (for the most part) for the full four weeks of February. By nothing, I specifically mean shave. The rules are as simple as those stated in the Old Testament: A man should not shave the corners of his face.

Neck trimming, or removal of the hair from his cheeks is acceptable. Especially if F2F client meetings are scheduled, your beard should appear maintained and free of debris. Multiple forms of beards are accepted during the challenge. It is every mans right to carry a beard at least once in his lifetime - as well as a rite of passage.

For a list of beard options, check out my son's blog:
http://www.dyers.org/blog/beards/beard-types/

FOLLOWING FULL BEARD FEBRUARY: CINCO DE MUSTACHE

Following the month of February, men will shave their beards on the eve of March 5th for Cinco de Mustache, to come to work on the 5th with the mustache style of their choice. All participants are then encouraged to join in the celebration at Mavis Winkles for a pint of lager immediately after a rigorous workday.

I do not need a response should you choose to participate. Your unkempt face will speak for itself. Please forward to any individuals you feel should be involved or those I may have missed.

Thank you.

posted by blueskydeluxe at 10:04 AM 3 Comments

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Facebook, Just Not Cool Anymore

Or was it ever?
 Don't even get me started on MySpace. What a bunch of horseshit. What is the real purpose of these tools? Are people really 'staying connected'?

No. They're sitting in their own little worlds, pretending that everyone who 'friends' them on these services gives a shit about their shiny new little marriage/ baby/ house/ car/ job/ death/ loss/ divorce. I have nothing against these people, many of whom are my good friends - its merely the act Facebooking that gets me. Are you interacting with people while updating your profile? No. You're interacting with a fucking compter.

Am I interacting with you right now? No. I'm typing on a computer, to a reader that does not even exist right now, conveying thoughts that when you read them will have occured at some point in my past. So, when you read it will we have interacted? Fuck no. When you read a book are you interacting with the author? No. Any text is intended for you, the 'reader'. So just as you think posting pictures on your Facebook account is representative of interaction because you intend these to reach your mom/friend/team/fans/secret lover - you are wrong. You aren't interacting with shit.

This brings me around to the ultimate point of why I hate those fucking social networking shitpiles. If you aren't interacting, then the act of posting is a complete act of self centered ego driven narcisism.

Now, it could be argued that me blogging is the same, and I'll accept that, but this blog belongs on a web site that I built from the code up, pay to host, and in its entirety is a symbol of who I actually am.

Don't stop using Facebook. But next time you accept friend requests from some asshole that you havent talked to in 15 years so you can look at their new haricut, ask yourself what the fuck you're really doing. And maybe, if you find the question to be meaningful to you, go to the bar and have a conversation with a total stranger. It's much more rewarding - because its real.

posted by blueskydeluxe at 10:18 AM 4 Comments

Monday, November 16, 2009

Like Wearing a "Fat Suit"



I've been driving my Dad's 1988 Jeep Wrangler for a few weeks as I store my Volvo for the winter. It's a rugged, barebones Jeep, complete with rust, loose parts, and a mild squeal from the serpentine belt.

After driving the Volvo, a lean and agile car capable of speed and manuvers that leave little to be desired - my experience with the Jeep has been eye opening.

Much like wearing one of those "fat suits" that allow thinner people to understand the tribulations of those who are overweight, I have a new found appreciation for those who drive the beloved 'clunker'.

People flip me off when I drive less than 5 over, even when I'm in the right lane. It just doesnt go any faster assholes!

I get cut off immediately when I enter a road. Drivers are predicting I will be slow enough to impede them simply from a 2 second visual inspection of my vehicle.

I have less than 2 seconds to accelerate once a light turns green before I hear a horn. Somehow they must have assumed my engine stalled. Half the time, they're right.

You know, I almost want to pull up to a valet and see what he'd do. If he'd even appraoch the vehicle. Is the rust a sign that I don't enjoy the finer things? I can tell you this, though. That for whatever reason, when I'm parking this thing or getting out girls will give me the sweetest looks. I don't get those in my Volvo. So I wonder, do they think it's endearing that this guy drives such a heap of shit? Or are they laughing inside, feeling sorry for my ass, as they get in their Italian boyfriend's BMW?



posted by blueskydeluxe at 10:29 AM 1 Comments

Special Blend of Herbs and Errors



Nice. I'll have a side of virus protection as well.

posted by blueskydeluxe at 10:25 AM 0 Comments

Monday, November 2, 2009

Zero Shame Halloween

As I get older I feel that I have less and less shame, and this past Halloween exemplifies my abilities to reach new lows in terms of being a respectable human being.

Behold: The MutherF%#ker


Complete with the wolf 'half shirt' and dolphin tattoo circling my navel, I blended the lines between what it meant to be cool decades ago with what might be confused as "completely queer". It was tasteless and amazing all at the same time, but most importantly - allowed me to party like a savage.

posted by blueskydeluxe at 10:39 AM 2 Comments

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Terrorists: Dumbest People on Earth

I saw a headline on CNN.com today that read "New England man charged in terror plot". Clicking on the article, I read a few opening lines and saw his picture. Please take note of his appearance:


Okay. Normally I wouldn't necessarily be profiling here, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out you can hide a PIPE BOMB in that BEARD. I mean, if you are in the US trying to operate covertly to carry out terrorist acts like a MORON, you should probably try to be a little more incognito.

Remember the idiot who got arrested a few months back in Colorado? Do you remember what he looked like? Can you guess what should have GIVEN THIS DIPSHIT AWAY?




Yeah. Nice BEARD. Any detonators in there? Any clue at all that you don't look a sliver Ahmish, and that you have "Jihad" written all over you? You don't say. You didn't think anyone was on to you?

Yeah like small American towns have been infiltrated with Ninjas too, and we just never realized they were in our streets and teaching our kids in schools. The fuckin black suits and head wraps just never gave it away.

posted by blueskydeluxe at 1:07 PM 1 Comments

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Wanted: Lead Singer for Cover Band

Joe Cocker may have once responded to such an ad. Cocker, now 68 years old, seems to have made an entire career as the world's best cover artist.

Does "High With a Little Help from My Friends" make you think of Cocker or the Beatles (the original writers)? Hit after hit on the charts, Joe has made his money stealing other people's creative thunder. Even on his self titled album, "Cocker", you will not find a track written by the man. In 1974, Cocker had the nerve to cover "You Are So Beautiful" the same year that Billy Preston wrote and released it. What the fuck was Cocker trying to do? Steal the songs right out from under people?

Bastard.

Sure, people think of him over the original artist for good reason. I mean, the guy CAN sing. But hell, I give credit where credit is due, and call spades spades. My bottom line is "The Very Best of Joe Cocker" shouldn't be titled that at all. It should be called, "The Very Best of Everyone Else's Shit You Already Love, Sung By a Different Dude."

posted by blueskydeluxe at 10:45 AM 5 Comments